Now don’t get me wrong, THINKING is critical. How we think can change everything. BUT this post is about the slightly less discussed DOING component of change; because sometimes all the rational thoughts in the world don’t FEEL true.
We might know that it is exceptionally unlikely that the plane will crash or that every single person in the room will laugh at you; or that you require immediate surgery. BUT no matter how many facts and figures and scenarios others may throw at you, or you may remind yourself of AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN… sometimes the only way your body will really get it, is to test it out (i.e. get on a plane, enter a room full of people, and see your doctor).
If you believe that unless you count to ten every time you step on a crack that something bad will happen – and no amount of convincing has stopped you from counting…. Then you need some hard evidence. You have to see what happens when you step on a crack and DON’T count. Maybe do it ten times and see how many times out of 10 something bad happens. That bit of evidence will outweigh any cognitive reasoning you might try.
Sometimes we actively avoid getting information because we are scared of what will happen. People avoid talking to their boss or calling that friend. They live with this uncertainty which could be resolved with facts. Call your boss, then at least you are worrying about something more tangible. Call your friend and see if they are annoyed. The fear of “what if” they hate me is worse than dealing with the truth. Because at least with the truth you can then make a plan on how to handle it – you can move forward.
If you are constantly reassuring yourself or having a mind battle with the voices in your head – then maybe you need to put the words aside; and go and get the facts. And if it is safe to do so, SEE what happens. Stop trying to think your way out of it, this is just more procrastination and avoidance (it just makes the anxiety GROW).
WARNING: If you plan on facing something that makes you anxious, make sure that when you face it, stay with the anxiety until it peaks and starts to come down. You might have to wait it out for a few minutes (or possible hours!) but if you ditch the experiment right at the peak of the anxiety, your body will learn that leaving is the only option (and only way to feel better). It’s really important to wait until you are on the downhill. Your body will eventually start to feel less anxious – you just need to give it a chance.
ALSO, some people prefer to test their fears in a more GRADUAL way – baby steps are always an amazing option. You don’t have to jump in the deep end.
Lastly, I know I make it sound SO easy, and I know it is SO not easy at all. This stuff is hard, but you can do hard things. You might be able to do it by yourself, or you might really need a support person. Either way – there is so much real world evidence to help counter those anxious thoughts.
Good Luck 🙂
P.S. This is not about wearing rose coloured glasses; it is about wearing clear glasses where we can look at things as realistically as possible; as opposed to wearing those dark and foreboding shades!
P.P.S. There are a few tricks to this, so if you still feel anxious after trying stuff out there is usually a reason > but that’s another blog post 🙂 Reach out if you need.
Action anxiety Boundaries experiment Experiment101 Fear Good enough Growth Ditch Guilt Keep Going Mental health OCD Parenting Perfectionism Reflection Relapse Relationships Resilience Responsibility Saying no self-esteem Shame Small steps
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